If you’ve been following my story, overtime you’ll learn that confidence and self-esteem was something I struggled with for almost all of my life. It wasn’t until recently that I finally found a true and genuine love for myself no matter what. I want to share how to learn to love yourself with you.Have you ever heard the saying “Comparison is the thief of joy.”? Well, it couldn’t be more true and I am guilty as charged for being a “Comparison Carol”.
Wait, who’s Carol?
A Comparison Carol is someone who spends way too much time basking in the success or appearance of others (in a negative way). This does nothing but de-motivates and makes you feel unsuccessful and possibly unworthy.
I have many incredibly beautiful and talented friends. These are women I look at and think they truly have it all– perfect bodies, a successful business, drop dead gorgeous faces and kind souls. From the outside looking in, it seems like they live the perfect life that their Instagram portrays they do.
Here’s what is so interesting to me.
I recently had one of these business bombshell friends of mine come visit me a few weeks back, and we got to talking. Throughout our conversations she actually told me she used to get bullied all throughout middle and high school (and still a bit now) for being too small.
I couldn’t believe it.
I was like “um….WHAT?!”. To me, she’s one of the most perfect humans I’ve ever seen! So I couldn’t believe even these “perfect” people have troubles and insecurities too. No matter how skinny, fit, pretty or successful. It was a game changer.
I spent so much of my life trying to be someone else because I grew up thinking who I was wasn’t enough. Yes, I dyed my hair blonde because all my friends were blonde, when I really should have embraced what made me different and been grateful for having an attribute that made me stand out.
One summer, I lost a whole bunch of weight because I was convinced I would never be loved by a man if I continued to live in my curvy, bigger than most girls but healthy and athletic body.
So what changed? How was I able to kick the negative self-talk to the curb and develop a true unconditional love for myself?
How To Learn To Love Yourself
1. Accept yourself for who YOU are
I’m sure you’ve heard this before so let me explain what I mean by it. Many years of my life were spent riding on the weight rollercoaster. I would either be hardcore into a gym and healthy eating routine or the complete opposite.
I’d feel super guilty if I chose a day in the sun with friends over the gym. I wouldn’t eat certain things because I didn’t “deserve” them. Here’s the thing. I have mad respect for people who live that active lifestyle and are able to meal prep and go to the gym every day without fail but that’s JUST. NOT. ME.
This is something I had to accept! And it’s okay!! I’m at a point where I love my body and what it can do, and I don’t need to be at the gym every day to feel good about myself. I’m not knocking anyone who does. I just don’t force myself into things I don’t enjoy. I was only going to the gym every day because I felt like I had to in order to be successful. I was going because that’s what everyone else was doing, not because I wanted to or enjoyed it.
**Just to clarify– I do enjoy exercising and working out, but I go on my terms when I feel like I want to, not when I feel like I have to.
Figure out who you are. What makes you tick? When do you thrive most? Where is your zone of genius? What do you love to do? What do you really not love to do?
Come to terms that you don’t have to do what everyone else is doing to be happy or successful- you need to find what works for you and embrace it with open arms.
2. Get a little perspective
“OMG my cellulite. Ew, my arms are so fat. OMG my stomach rolls.”
Sound familiar? Okay girl, chill.
It’s summertime and you’re probably enjoying your days in the sun with friends. Living the summer to the fullest and making memories. There are a lot of people sitting in a hospital right now. Maybe they’re sick, maybe they’ve just had an operation which has now limited their ability to move or maybe they were born with a disability.
The situations are endless. Think of those girls who would kill just to be outside. Imagine how appreciative some people would be just to be able to run around a field or jump in a lake today. Suddenly your cellulite doesn’t seem like such a big deal, does it?
Every time you start the negative self-talk to yourself, remind yourself how damn lucky you are! If you really want to know how to learn to love yourself, go for a walk, get outside. Be appreciative and grateful for what you’ve been given because it could be gone at any moment.
3. It’s not all about your appearance!
Okay. I understand this is a hard one. Especially living in the society we do.
As much as I luurrrve my social media, it has made things a lot harder for us ladies! Comparing ourselves to others used to stay be at school and maybe the work place, and stay there. With social media, it never goes away.
It’s so easy to scroll through an Instagram feed and gawk over girls and how beautiful or successful they are. For starters, all those photos are enhanced and taken at the exact right angle to be as flattering as possible (trust me, I know- I take about 50 pics before I choose the ONE I like and post) and second you don’t know what kind of person they are!
Are you a kind, supportive, determined and loving woman? Do you go out of your way to do nice things for others? Are you loyal? What is it YOU do that makes you special?
I bet you’ve got a pretty hefty list you don’t even think to consider most of the time because everything these days seems to be based on looks.
Now, it’s up to you
So, be the change. Remind yourself every day of the challenges you’ve overcome and success’ you’ve accomplished. Stop relying so much on your image to make you happy because perfection isn’t real. Why waste your life striving to be something or someone else when you can enjoy every day being the incredible woman you already are?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be the best version of yourself, we just need to start celebrating ourselves for who we are RIGHT NOW. I hope you are more motivated how to learn to love yourself. Enjoy every bit of this process along the way.
P.S. I scope every Monday on the BossBabe channel so make sure you tune in! Download the periscope app and follow us at teambossbabe!