Ghosts can make us lose focus on our goals. I am not talking about spirits here but mental ghosts. Mental ghosts are a real thing. And they are not nice. They are related to our mental blockages and can cause serious damages to the boss babe we want to be if we don’t deal with them when they appear. In order to regain focus, we must define what is keeping us from reaching our goals.
Top 3 Signs That You Could Be Living With Mental Ghosts
- being absent to the present. You are always thinking about past events, hooked on the feeling someone used to give you
- stuck repeating the same patterns, aka “I never learn”
- you have given up on the idea of a “better”. Be it a “better man”, a “better life”, a “better house with no spirit”, etc
Let’s have a look at some of our ghosts:
The ghost of “THE” ex is a common one to anyone who has ever been in more than one relationship. This is the formula behind this ghost:
BREAK-UP PERIOD + TIME / INTENSITY = SMALLER GHOST
The ghost a person leaves in their wake after a breakup can take most of the space in our life. We tend to forget that we were a functioning entity before the “good morning” messages, the plans made for two, and before someone told us that we were lovable.
The ghost lives in the music that plays, in the strangers that pass by, the lost inside jokes. The ghost lives in our memory of the good times we had. And nostalgia can be a great feeling at times. But at the end of the day, or the year – depending on how long it will take you to overcome the loss, we don’t live in the memories. This ghost has to go if you want to progress in other areas of your life.
HOW TO GET RID OF THE GHOST: Embrace the suck and move the f**k forward.
OUR PAST MISTAKES
This one can be related to the previous point. We only know afterward if that person we dated was a jerk, a compulsive liar or “scared of commitment”.
Our brain tends to see past choices we don’t agree with anymore in the present, as “past mistakes”. Getting stuck in a dead-end job for 10 years. Not taking that gap year and discovering the world in our early twenties. Not coming up with Facebook in our twenties like Mark Zuckerberg did and become a millionaire by thirty.
Fine, we didn’t do all that. Does that make us a lesser person? No, it doesn’t. Our brain sees past decisions as mistakes because we don’t want to see the good that can come out of this past choice. We get so focused on the picture in front of us that we forget to see our choices as part of a bigger scheme.
And if instead of blaming ourselves for the things we did do already, we decided to accept that they’re the stepping stone to our next best thing? If instead of believing it was a waste of time, it was, in fact, the best use of the time we could have made?
To accept who we are regardless on how good or bad a previous experience has shaped our lives should be a big project to work on.
HOW TO GET RID OF THE GHOST: Accept that you did the best you could do. Put your focus on making yourself feel at peace in the present moment.
The ghost of our future can be a good one and a bad one. If we live with the knowledge that our future has the potential to improve, it can be a very friendly ghost. Having faith in the ghost of our future can bring a better chance of making a vision, a reality.
You don’t start a fight if you don’t think you have a chance at beating the other person. Here, the challenge is the perception we have of our own selves.
Our definition of victory might change over time but we must never lose sight of the goal.
HOW TO GET RID OF THE GHOST: Feel like how you think you would feel if you had already made your biggest dream come true. That will help you feel better in the present and open to the future.
A REAL GHOST
Well, good luck with that.
HOW TO GET RID OF THE GHOST: Move houses?
What/Who is your ghost?
Living ghost-free or with a friendly ghost should be a priority. Our present lives depend on how we feel about ourselves, our past, our future and the level of acceptance we have on all three. Being at peace on all fronts is important to reach constant improvements.
Have you managed to get rid of your ghosts? Or learned to live with them? If you have, please share your how-to. I am not sure Ghostbusters can deal with my own ghosts.